First Sunday of Advent

Please enjoy these beautiful pictures taken by Mrs. Penny Silvers of a Missa Cantata (Sung Mass) in the Extraordinary Form at Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish in Rocky Mount, NC.   Mrs. Silvers has also put together a video of a portion of this Mass: http://www.gloria.tv/?video=xnyxwjyzqtzrgqdzgtjc

Celebrant: Fr. Tim Meares

Master of Ceremonies: Philip Johnson

Thurifer: Richard Hernandez

Acolytes: Henry Love, Christian Silvers

Crucifer: Andrew Lim

Organist: Mrs. Penny Silvers

Choir: Schola Canticum Novum

"May we receive Thy mercy, O Lord, in the midst of Thy temple: that we may with becoming honor prepare for the approaching solemnities of our redemption.  Through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who lives and reigns with Thee, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, forever and ever."

-Postcommunion Prayer, First Sunday of Advent (1962 Missal)

Imagine being a priest!

Imagine being a priest!

"You have not chosen me.  I have chosen you.  Go and bear fruit that will last" (Jn 15:16).

Could God be calling you to this life?  

http://www.dioceseofraleigh.org/how/vocations/priest.aspx

More MRI tests...

This weekend I was sent to Duke Medical Center in Durham, NC to undergo a "functional MRI."  It is amazing to learn what sorts of things are possible with modern medicine.  The procedure lasts about two hours, and the doctor can discover which parts of your brain are used for specific functions.  The doctor took MRI pictures of my brain while I was not moving, then had me move my right hand.  By comparing the two sets of photos, it is possible to identify the portion of my brain which controls movement in my right hand.  

We did this test to "map out" the parts of my brain which control movement, speech, understanding, and even critical thought.  Sentences missing a word flashed on a screen in front of me, and as I filled in the blank in my mind (I didn't have to say anything at all), a part of my brain "lit up" in the MRI.  The doctor creates an image similar to the one on the left of this post, with each color representing a certain function.  Thankfully, my brain has "adapted," and many of my important brain functions have shifted away from the tumor.  This is further evidence that my tumor has been slow-growing over many years, which is easier to deal with than a fast-growing cancer.  

From the initial analysis, I learned that the tumor is nowhere near (relatively speaking) any critical portions of my brain.  This is very important information as the doctors decide how to treat my illness.  It will still take a few days to receive the official results.  I plan to have a biopsy in December to learn more about the characteristics of the tumor, and then the doctors will decide whether or not radiation or chemotherapy is needed at this time. 

In the meantime, I am visiting a priest friend in North Carolina for the weekend, getting a good "dose" of the joys and struggles of parish life.  What a joy it is to stay in a house where the Blessed Sacrament is reserved.  It is impossible not to grow closer to Jesus when visiting the chapel first thing in the morning and immediately before going to sleep.  It is almost impossible to sleep knowing that Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Blessed Sacrament is under the same roof!

I had some major developments with my vocation this weekend, and I thank everyone for their prayers for me, especially those who prayed for me on November 21st during a very important meeting.  It was very obvious that God's Will was manifested in a very special way, and I am very thankful for pastors and shepherds of the Church who, in humility and love, trust completely in God and His plan for each one of us.  Nothing is official yet regarding the possibility of pursuing God's great gift of the priesthood, but I feel the hand of God working in the "door" that recently opened.

I've been meditating recently on the writings of St. Rose of Lima.  I found a particular passage very striking: "Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. The gift of grace increases as the struggle increases."  God does not give us any burden too great for us to handle.  He always gives us sufficient grace to deal with any struggles in our lives, but we must respond to this grace.   I can testify to the fact that graces and prayers can really be "felt" during affliction.  My illness has led to a deeper spirituality and prayer life, so I am thankful for my "cross."  Just as Christ's cross was our means of salvation, our daily crosses - both large and small - unite us with Christ and put us on the road to salvation as well. 

We were created for eternity, and this short life must be spent serving God by living out our vocations worthily, with the help of God.  When times are hard and we suffer, let us look for the graces involved instead of falling into despair.

The Catholic Priesthood

As many of my friends know, I have been praying about my vocation for many years.  It is perhaps one of the most difficult decisions a Catholic has to make - how does Christ want me to serve His Church?  We know from the Catechism that one of the reasons we were created is to serve God, but this can be accomplished in many different ways and through many different vocations.  I will not bore anyone with the details of my vocational journey or the hardships and obstacles I have faced, but I have felt a constant pull towards serving God as a priest ever since I was a child. This spiritual journey has taken me all over the country, and even all over Europe, as I attempted to discover God's plan for my life. With the help of my Spiritual Director, I eventually heard God's "still, small voice" which gave me great peace in pursuing the wonderful and unbelievable gift of the priesthood.

The priesthood of Our Lord Jesus Christ is the greatest gift imaginable.  As Fr. John Hardon explains, "The priesthood is simultaneously four things: it is a sacrament of the new law instituted by Christ, it is a state of life to which some men are called by a special vocation from God, it is an institution without which there would be no Christianity on earth today, and it is a ministry of the Catholic Church by which Christ continues His own priestly work of saving and sanctifying the souls for whom He shed His blood on Calvary."  

The priesthood is not a job; it is a permanent state of life which imprints an indelible mark on the soul of a Catholic man which lasts for all eternity.  A priest remains a priest forever, no matter what may happen to his body, mind, or even his soul.  It is the absolute highest honor that God could possibly bestow on one of His sons. Why is this great gift feared, avoided, and refused by so many young men?

This is a calling for real men.  It is not a "job" for men who "can't find a wife" or "have nothing else they can do."  It is not a backup plan, nor is it a door to a comfortable, easy life.  It is a vocation which requires much sacrifice, labor, struggle, and love for others.  The priest shares daily in the joys and sorrows of God's people, and he gives his entire self to the Church, just as Christ also sacrificed Himself for our sake.  The priest becomes "everything to everyone" in his imitation of Our Blessed Lord.  It is a divine calling, and it takes a real man who is willing to suffer and die for Christ, if necessary.  Our Lord holds out the priesthood as a very special gift which is not offered to hundreds of millions of other men.  By offering this gift, Our Lord invites certain Catholic men to manifest Christ's love to the entire world in a most beautiful way.

Fr. Hardon continues: "Without the priesthood, there would be no Christianity left on earth. Remove the priesthood and you remove the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist in the world.  Remove the priesthood and you remove the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass from the world. Remove the priesthood and you remove Holy Communion from the world.  Remove the priesthood and you remove the Sacrament of Reconciliation from a very sinful world.  Remove the priesthood and you remove the divinely assured teaching of God's revealed truth from the world.  Without the priesthood, Christianity would be a memory but no longer a reality." While we have assurance from Christ that the Church will always exist and the gates of hell will never prevail against Her, Our Lord needs more laborers in a world that is much in need of Catholic truth and the Word of God.

When we contemplate the priesthood, it is often tempting to consider it a calling for "someone else," assuming that we could not possible be called to serve God in this way.  Before a priest was even conceived in his mother's womb, God knew this future priest, called this future priest, and designated this future priest from all eternity to share in the salvific priesthood of Jesus Christ.  It must be a conscious, selfless, and courageous choice to accept this calling after much prayer and guidance.  

God wants to use us as Catholic men to strengthen the Church even though we are sinners.  He wants to take our lips which may have spoken foul words or cursed others, and use them to proclaim the Gospel and give sacramental absolution in the confessional.  He wants to take our hands which may have embraced forbidden love, and use them to offer Holy Mass and to bring Jesus Christ in His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity to the people of God.  Jesus Christ is calling us, but so many of us refuse to answer or take this calling seriously.  So many of us simply do not care.  Sadly, we often have our "own plans" which seem to be more important, but what can be more important than the salvation of souls?

As I deal with a brain tumor, I am not sad that it may eventually cause me to suffer and die. This will eventually happen to all of us, and we must be prepared to face death at all times by remaining in the state of grace.  The single worry I face every day is that because of various circumstances - some of which are beyond my control - I may never know what it is like to serve God as the alter Christus I desire with all my heart to be.  It brings tears to my eyes to imagine departing this world without pronouncing the words of Christ at the Last Supper, "This is My Body; This is My Blood," before gazing upon Our Eucharistic Lord in the greatest miracle ever known to man.  I pray fervently that I may one day have the privilege of absolving sins - even if I only live long enough to absolve one - showing the same mercy that God has so often shown me despite my weaknesses and sinfulness.

I offer my suffering from this illness for the intentions and sanctification of all bishops, priests, and religious, and for more vocations to the priesthood and religious life.  As I attempt to imitate the Blessed Virgin Mary's Fiat and respond without reservation to God's call to the most extraordinary and humbling gift He can give to a man, I ask you out of charity to please join me in praying this novena to St. Gerard Majella: www.saintgerard.com/nineday.html.  Please pray that through his intercession, if it will bring glory to God and to His Bride, the Church, I will be admitted to the seminary and live long enough to die as a priest should this "cup" (my illness), which I willingly take up, not be allowed to pass from me, for nothing is impossible with God.

St. Gerard was denied admittance into the Redemptorist order three times because of his frail health.  After many trials and rejections, God saw to it that St. Gerard eventually became a Redemptorist priest and served the Church faithfully for the rest of his life.

Thank you for your prayers.

In Christ,

Philip Gerard Johnson

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer" (Romans 12:12)

I spent the majority of November 15th with Father Dan Mode, author of The Grunt Padre about the life of Fr. Vincent Capodanno, MM.  I met Fr. Mode, a Navy Chaplain, during a Persian Gulf deployment in 2007, and we have remained friends ever since.  Fr. Mode offered the Mass of St. Albert the Great for me in the chapel of his rectory, and he gave a very touching sermon about persistence and perseverance. Please keep this holy priest in your prayers.

Father Mode's sermon led me to contemplate a favorite passage from St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans: "Persevere in prayer."  This is not an easy thing to do.  After holding a specific intention in prayer for a long period of time, I am often tempted to "give up," especially given my current medical troubles.  While I have faith in an all-powerful God, my medical prognosis often causes me to be torn between divine faith and the "human learning" of the medical doctors.  God, in His infinite wisdom, calmed these frustrations today through the celebration of St. Albert.

St. Albert the Great, Doctor of the Church and Patron of the Sciences, was known as "the teacher of everything there is to know."  He was born in the early 13th century and entered the Order of Preachers (Dominicans) from the University of Padua.  He eventually became a teacher and mentor of St. Thomas Aquinas.  In 1260, he was appointed bishop of Regensberg, and he took part in the Council of Lyons in 1274.

It was in Cologne, Germany that his reputation as a scientist grew. He conducted experiments in chemistry and physics in his makeshift laboratory and built up a collection of plants, insects, and chemical compounds.  His writings are remarkable for their exact scientific knowledge, and for that reason he is the patron saint of scientists.  St. Albert the Great was convinced that all creation spoke of God and that the tiniest piece of scientific knowledge told us something about Him.

In my aforementioned struggle between divine faith and the "human learning" of my doctors, I was comforted by today's prayer for the Feast of Saint Albert from the 1962 Roman Missal: "O God, you made the blessed doctor and bishop Albert great by teaching him to place divine faith above his own human learning.  Grant that we may follow his doctrine so that we may enjoy perfect wisdom in heaven."  It became clear - only God is perfectly wise and omniscient, and His perfect plan for me is being carried out.  I have nothing to fear.

While medical treatment and knowledge should not be avoided or ignored, we must always remember that we serve an omnipotent God whose plan for us is perfect in every way.  In my own life, I often look back many years and realize why my prayers were sometimes "unanswered."  God was executing His plan for me, and my desires didn't conform to this plan. This must be remembered as we "persevere in prayer," because God's plan is perfect, even if it involves suffering, hardship, and disappointment.  As my beloved spiritual father often comments: "God's plans seldom correspond with our own, but His plans are perfect."

  

While I am often inclined by selfish motivations to pray for a miraculous cure, may I have the strength to pray instead that "Thy Will be done," whatever that may entail in the future.  As my dear friend, Fr. Kevin Willis, once pointed out in a sermon (referring to a teaching of Saint Augustine): "Prayer is not telling God what we want and do not want, as if we are addressing Santa Claus in a department store.  Prayer is a petition to God, asking Him to conform our imperfect will to His Perfect Will."

Jesus most meek, make my heart like unto Thine.

Deriving Strength from the Eucharist

I have received many emails asking how I can be so "joyful" and content after learning that I have a brain tumor.  There are many factors involved, including the fact that a severe illness forces one to focus on eternal life with God rather than "worldly kingdoms."  For those who focus on this short earthly life, it is very difficult to deal with an illness over which one has little control.  For those who focus on eternity, it is possible to see this life as a "stepping stone" to eternal happiness with Our Lord.  After coming to this realization, suffering and death are not only easier to accept, but are welcomed with a deep desire to be united to Our Lord's cross and to spend eternity with Him in heaven.

To give us strength to live out our daily lives, Our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a great gift - the gift of Himself in the Blessed Sacrament.  In the Most Holy Eucharist, Christ gives Himself to us - Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity - and I must credit this great gift as my source of strength in this difficult time in my life.  As Catholic faithful, we can reap the spiritual benefits of this great gift by receiving frequent Holy Communion, and by adoring Our Lord in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar.

Christ instituted the Eucharist at the Last Supper, promising that "He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me and I live in Him" (John 6:56).  Since that day, the sacrifice of Christ on the cross has been re-presented to the Father in every Mass, and Christ comes to us through the consecrated hands of the priest.  By repeating the words of Christ at the Last Supper, the priest calls Christ down from heaven to become present on the altar.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem (died 387) said that reception of the Eucharist makes the Christian a "Christ bearer" and "one body and one blood with Him" (Catecheses, 4,3).  The Council of Florence in 1439 taught: "Every effect which bodily food and bodily drink produce in our corporeal life, by preserving this life, increasing this life, healing this life, and satisfying this life - is also produced by this Sacrament in the spiritual life."

Fr. John A. Hardon's Pocket Catholic Catechism gives four excellent reasons to frequent this Sacrament of Love:

1. Holy Communion preserves the supernatural life of the soul by giving the communicant supernatural strength to resist temptation, and by weakening the power of concupiscence. It reinforces the ability of our free will to withstand the assaults of the devil. In a formal definition, the Church calls Holy Communion "an antidote by which we are preserved from grievous sins" (Council of Trent, October 11, 1551).

2. Holy Communion increases the life of grace already present by vitalizing our supernatural life and strengthening the virtues and gifts of the Holy Spirit we possess. To be emphasized, however, is that the main effect of Communion is not to remit sin. In fact, a person in conscious mortal sin commits a sacrilege by going to Communion.

3. Holy Communion cures the spiritual diseases of the soul by cleansing it of venial sins and the temporal punishment due to sin. No less than serving as an antidote to protect the soul from mortal sins, Communion is "an antidote by which we are freed from our daily venial sins" (Council of Trent, October 11, 1551). The remission of venial sins and of the temporal sufferings due to sin takes place immediately by reason of the acts of perfect love of God, which are awakened by the reception of the Eucharist. The extent of this remission depends on the intensity of our charity when receiving Communion.

4. Holy Communion gives us a spiritual joy in the service of Christ, in defending His cause, in performing the duties of our state of life, and in making the sacrifices required of us in imitating the life of our Savior.

The Blessed Sacrament is a great gift from God.  Are we as thankful as we should be?  Do we examine our consciences properly to ensure that we are receiving this gift worthily?  By receiving Holy Communion, we receive Jesus' Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.  How lucky we would be to experience this miracle one time in our lives, but God allows us to do so each and every day, if we wish.  How undeserving we are of such a gift!  

In addition to frequent Holy Communion, Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament consoles us in the most difficult of times.   Eucharistic Adoration is the act of honoring Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Blessed Sacrament.  During Adoration, we gaze upon Our Lord in contemplation, allowing our hearts to be transformed and filled with Christ's love.  St. Alphonsus Liguori wrote of this act: “Of all devotions, that of adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the greatest after the Sacraments, the one dearest to God and the one most helpful to us.  The Eucharist is a priceless treasure: By not only celebrating the Eucharist, but also by praying before It outside of Mass, we are enabled to make contact with the very wellsprings of Grace ..."

In Adoration, we abandon ourselves to Jesus.  We speak to him about our concerns, joys, shortcomings, disappointments, and aspirations.  In the process, we open our hearts to hear the voice of Jesus, which my beloved spiritual father describes as His "still, small voice."  In abandoning ourselves to Christ in the Blessed Sacrament, it is impossible not to leave renewed, strengthened, and joyful.

To those who ask how it is possible to be joyful in suffering, and how to become strong when we are weak, I can only point to Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar.  Many years ago, I heard a sermon about the life of Saint Peter the Apostle.  Throughout Christ's ministry and at Our Lord's Passion, Peter was weak and scared.  He was afraid of a servant girl who accused him of knowing Jesus, and Peter eventually denied Christ three times.  Thirty-three years later, Peter was also facing crucifixion as a martyr for the Faith.  He joyfully and fearlessly faced death, declaring "I am not worth to die in the same manner as My Lord.  Please crucify me upside down."  The cruel guards could not deny his brave request, and Saint Peter was crucified upside down on a cross.  

What changed Peter during those thirty-three years was the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and the Blessed Eucharist.  Peter held Jesus Christ in his hands each and every day, and gazed upon the Author of Love before receiving Him in the Holy Eucharist.  The weak Peter became the strong Peter through the gift of the Eucharist.  May we also allow ourselves to be changed and transformed by the Blessed Sacrament, no matter how difficult our lives may seem.

Fr. Thomas Frederick Price

Please offer a prayer for me through the intercession of the Servant of God, Fr. Thomas Frederick Price.  Father Price was born in Wilmington, North Carolina in 1860. He studied at St. Mary's Seminary in Baltimore and was ordained to the priesthood in 1886 (He was North Carolina's first native born priest). Within a few years of ordination, Father Price, infused with a zeal for evangelism, took the teachings of the Catholic Church statewide.   In 1899, he established an orphanage near Raleigh, and three years later began a preparatory school to train men for the North Carolina missions. In 1908, he began writing the Blessed Virgin Mary a daily letter, sharing with her the challenges and joys he encountered that day.  In 1911, Father Price's vision of spreading Catholicism was moving beyond the border of North Carolina. 

He joined with Father James A. Walsh in founding the American Catholic Foreign Mission Society, popularly known as Maryknoll. In 1918, Father Price accompanied the first three Maryknoll missionaries on their assignment to China. One year later, he died of a ruptured appendix. His heart was removed and buried in Nevers, France, near the body of St. Bernadette Soubirous, to whom he was extremely devoted.

Father price spent many years of his priesthood in Wilmington, NC, going from house to house preaching the Faith.  In the process, he brought my great-great grandmother into the Catholic Church.  For his zeal for the Faith and his excellent priestly example, I am very grateful.  

During his transit to Maryland in order to enter the seminary, a forceful hurricane struck his steam ship, turning it on its side.  Young Thomas Price, who could not swim, had no life preserver and was swept into the ocean.  Miraculously, he survived.  He never spoke of the experience, except on one occasion many years later to his friend and classmate, the future Cardinal William O’Connell, during an afternoon walk on the seminary grounds. Much later in his life (and after the death of Fr. Price), Cardinal O’Connell recalled the story: 

“Bashfully, in a quiet but assured tone of voice, this young saint [Fr. Price] related the authentic story which thrilled me to the depths of my soul…. Keeping his head as best he could, with all his physical strength, above the furious waters, he cried again, ‘Christ Jesus, save me 

or I will perish.’ Like a flash the sky seemed to open, and out of a speck of blue came the clearest possible vision…Mary, the Mother of Christ, appeared before his eyes. Upon her face was a smile, and, gently stretching forth her hand, she pointed to a great floating plank, which had been washed overboard from the sinking ship. Strengthened superhumanly by the perfect confidence of safety, he gained the plank, pulled himself upon it.. feeling nothing and thinking now and then of the vision, which would always remain indelibly imprinted on his soul. He began the Litany of the Blessed Virgin, and as he said, ‘In my joy I almost sang it’” (John C. Murret, Tar Heel Apostle (New York: Longmans and Green, 1944), p. 16).

My good friend David Myers drew a picture (posted above) of this episode in Fr. Price's life when he first learned of my illness.  As I face these dark times, may I also look to heaven and Our Blessed Mother for strength, just as Fr. Price did so many years ago.  

"Litany of Humility"

Written by Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930). He was accustomed to recite this prayer daily after the celebration of Holy Mass.

O Jesus meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. Amen.

I have just returned from Richmond, VA and Bethesda, MD, where I met with two different Neurosurgeons. Both agreed that the tumor can not be completely removed, and that a biopsy is the best option, to be followed by radiation therapy to attempt to slow the growth of the tumor. In the meantime, my headaches are getting worse, and I'm slowly losing strength on the right side of my body.

Many people ask how I am taking "the news" that this illness can not be cured (at least not by natural means). I am only human, so I was very distraught at first. I was like Our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane, crying and praying that my condition could pass to someone else. I spent a while in the chapel crying with Our Lord, but I was immediately comforted with a great peace.

So often in our lives, we pray about our death, not knowing when it will be. In the Hail Mary, we ask Mary to pray for us now, "and at the hour of death." In the First Friday devotion, as well as in other prayers, we pray for a "good death." By a "good death" we mean dying in God's grace with ample time to repent, receive the sacraments, and do penance.  Our final goal is to get to heaven, and the liturgy of the Church is filled with petitions for this grace.

As a 24 year old, I was still young enough to feel "invincible" and assume that I had much more time to live.  It is hard to imagine otherwise, but Psalm 39 rings true: " You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you.  Each man's life is but a breath."  

It is especially hard in our modern world, with all of the worldly desires and temptations, to attempt to imagine eternity.  Eternity is infinite.  It is longer than the largest period of time that we can possibly imagine.  Try to imagine the concept of "eternity" compared to our short time on earth.  Our human minds can not fully comprehend it.  We were created to know, love, and serve God in this world, but ultimately and as a result, to be happy with Him in heaven.  This world is merely a stepping stone.  While God does call us to a vocation in this life which will allow us to serve Him with great peace and joy, we must never forget that we are closest to Jesus when we are united with Him on the cross in our sufferings.  

Let us spend every day running after Jesus with a deep desire to be united with Him.  Please pray that I may do so with every day the Lord wishes to grant me.  May I leave my cross with the Lord when I go to sleep, and pick it up from him once again in the morning.  In the words of Saint Bernadette: "One more day to follow Jesus and Mary and climb to Calvary, and then with Jesus and Mary, happiness, joy, eternity!"

My name is Philip Johnson and I am an officer in the Navy.  After graduating from the US Naval Academy in 2006, I served as Gunnery Officer onboard USS VELLA GULF (CG 72) from May 2006-July 2008, which included one Persian Gulf Deployment.  From July-October 2008, I served as Fire Control Officer onboard USS IWO JIMA (LHD 7), deploying to the Persian Gulf for two months.

In June of 2008, I awoke during the middle of the night to my arms and legs shaking, unable to move or speak, before blacking out.  The doctor diagnosed me with sleep paralysis - a harmless condition.  Every 4 weeks, I experienced one of these episodes.  In October of 2008, a roommate on the ship witnessed an episode, and reported that after blacking out, I was convulsing for five minutes and would not respond.  

The doctor sent me to a Neurologist, who immediately diagnosed me with epilepsy and ordered two tests: an EEG which measures brain activity, and an MRI which scans the brain.  The EEG results were normal, but the MRI revealed a brain tumor the size of a lime.  Because of the type of tumor, it can not be removed, and only an upcoming biopsy can tell how fast it is spreading throughout my brain.  The tumor is growing in the portion of my brain that controls motor skills and sensation in the right side of my body.  Currently, I only experience occasional numbness and weakness on the right side of my body, but the symptoms will get worse as the tumor spreads.

This blog is dedicated to documenting this long road.  I beg your prayers as I deal with this tumor, but I ask you to pray even harder for those who suffer from conditions far worse than mine.